Sunday, April 30, 2017

FET...let's do this! - part 2

4th Visit, Senin, 6 Maret 2017 (h19)

Hari ini ambil nomor jam 6 pagi, karena waktu hari Sabtu dipesenin datang ke kliniknya sore saja. Jadi saya ke klinik jam 3 sore, dapet nomor 21. Saya tunjukin foto hasil tes ovulasi hari Sabtu :



Kata Suster Sujada, ini artinya sudah positif tapi masih mild. Padahal kalau saya baca di petunjuk pada brosur alat Clear Blue, kalau garis di kiri lebih tipis/samar daripada garis di kanan, artinya negatif. Berbeda dengan testpack kehamilan di mana garis samar artinya sudah positif tapi mild. Kemudian suster masuk ke ruangan dokter untuk lapor hasil tes ovulasi, tapi sepertinya dokter masih sibuk bicara dengan pasien lain jadi suster keluar lagi, saya disuruh tunggu saja, nanti dipanggil untuk ketemu dokter.

Sekitar jam 15.30 masuk ruangan dokter (sebelumnya sudah tampung urine). Hasil USG kata dokter telur yang di sebelah kiri masih ada, ukurannya 16x17 mm. Saya sempat lihat dokter ngukur ketebalan rahim 11 mm (tapi dokter nggak ngomong). Kata dokter "Bisa lah kita buat bulan ini, hanya perlu di-fine tune". Terus dokter minta lihat hasil tes ovulasi,, saya tunjukkan foto yang di bawah. Menurut dokter itu masih negatif (cocok dengan penjelasan brosur Clear Blue), Hasil yang positif itu minimal garis kiri sama tebal/gelapnya dengan garis kanan, kalau masih lebih samar berarti negatif.

Saya disuruh keluar dulu, menunggu hasil tes ovulasi dari urine hari ini. Nggak lama suster panggil saya dan menunjukkan alat Clear Blue, hasilnya garis kiri jauh lebih tebal daripada garis kanan, POSITIF!!! Besok saya disuruh konsul lagi ke dokter sekitar jam 11.

OMG masih ga percayaaa bisa ovulasi jugaaa.....!!! Sayangnya saya lupa foto huhuhu, padahal kan kenang-kenangan banget tuhhh hasil tes ovulasi positif. Baru dapet hasil tes ovulasi positif saja senengnya udah kaya dapet hasil testpack positif. I was grinning from ear to ear.. 😀😀😀

Biaya : RM 61





5th Visit, Selasa, 7 Maret 2017 (h20)

Datang jam 11 sesuai pesan suster, daftarnya di lantai 1 karena yang di bawah sudah tutup. Baru ketemu dokter jam 1 siang. Hasil USG kata dokter saya sudah ovulasi, folikel yang tadinya bentuknya bulat sekarang sudah penyok/pipih (dokter sambil nunjukin gambarnya di layar). Kata dokter bisa ET, terus dia bilang gini sambil nulis-nulis "This is the best timing, nothing to complain" . Dalam hati saya ngomong "Emang siapa yang mau complain dok" 😛.

Habis itu, dokter ngitung-ngitung jadwal ET, sekarang tanggal 7, 7 + 5 (umur embrio yang di-freeze) = 12, "Ahh, Sunday laaa....". Saya bilang "Sori ya dooook...", sambil ketawa. Si dokter cuma senyum-senyum aja, sambil geleng-geleng kepala, hihihi...

Setelah itu saya tebus obat Cyclogest yang dipakai mulai malam ini, 2x sehari setiap 12 jam, Tapi pagi hari sebelum ET tidak perlu dipakai dulu. Saya harus telpon ke IVF Center hari Sabtu jam 11 untuk menanyakan jadwal ET (jam berapa).

Biaya : RM 168.20



Telpon ke IVF Center, Sabtu, 11 Maret 2017 (h24)

Berdasarkan konfirmasi dari IVF Center, saya disuruh datang hari Minggu jam 08.30. Sebelumnya daftar dulu di bagian registrasi, nanti akan dikasi kertas hijau. Disarankan datang lebih cepat, sekitar jam 8 lewat 15-an. Dipesankan untuk minum 500 ml air sebelum berangkat ke RS.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

That beast called "infertility"


Infertility...
Us, infertiles, do not talk enough about it..at least not openly..
We keep it to ourselves
The doctor's appointments, the lab tests, the bills, the injections, the therapies, the medications, the waiting, the fear, the heartaches, the loss, the tears
We keep it behind closed doors
Because we know no one understands
No one besides ourselves and our own kind (other infertiles)

Many people don't even think that infertility is something real
To them, it is just some imagination in our mind
Some excuse we make up to explain our inability to conceive
There are no real problems, they think...
So why we haven't conceived yet?
It's because we are not doing "the right things"
We are being "too stressed"
We are not being "relaxed" enough to let the magic happen
We are too busy
We don't exercise enough
We exercise too much
We don't go on holiday often enough
We spend too much time & money on vacations and not prioritizing on getting the help we need to get pregnant
We are too fat
We are too thin
We haven't asked God diligently
We haven't prayed "the right way"
We haven't repented on our sins
We haven't asked God for forgiveness on our past wrongdoings, and those of our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, and so on
We haven't asked for forgiveness from the people we hurt in the past; our parents, our siblings, our friends, our ex-boyfriends, etc etc etc
The list is long...
The stupid reasons people tell us why it is happening
But none of them really acknowledge the real problems we encounter
Nor they understand our struggles

Data in the US states that 1 of 8 couples is dealing with infertility
I haven't found data for Indonesia but I guess the figure won't be very far from that
We are not an anomaly
We exist
And the problem is real
The blocked tube
The PCOs
The low sperm number and quality
The auto-immune problems
The blood clotting issues
The endometriosis
The polyps
The adenomyosis
The recurrent miscarriages
The unexplained infertility
The failed inseminations
The failed IVFs
You name it

We don't talk about it enough, for other people to understand
Because saying it out loud making the problem seems more real than it already is
And realizing that it is real hurts us even more
We don't talk about it enough, because we want to forget about it sometimes
And being asked every single time we meet friends/relatives is draining our energy to the core
We don't talk about it enough, because it's exhausting trying to explain something to someone who you know won't understand a bit
Because the last thing we need is to see pity in other people's eyes
Because we don't need those know-it-all unsolicited suggestions from people who haven't even experienced any of what we are dealing with
Because we want to be seen as our complete selves, not just as "an infertile"
Because everytime we try to tell our stories, the most common respond we get is "You have to be patient"

We ARE being patient
We tell our stories not because we are impatient
Nor because we are weak
Infact we are the strong ones, if not we won't be chosen to fight this battle
Nor because we need consolation or pity
We tell our stories because we want to be heard
We tell our stories because we hope someday people would understand more 
We tell our stories because we are waiting for the day when we get more empathy
The day when we don't have to deal with the questions "When are you going to have children?" or "Are you pregnant yet?" on a daily basis, as if it's the normal form of ice-breaking
The day when we don't get our belly rubbed by some strangers at a party, while they're saying "I'm praying for you to get pregnant!" loudly so that everyone near us can hear it
The day when people understand that silent prayers behind closed doors matter so much more than those "I hope you get pregnant as soon as possible!" said loudly in front of everybody in a baby shower we're attending
The day when we no longer hear some relative say "I hope your parents/parents-in-law have a long life so they get to see your future children"
The day when someone would just come up to us and say "Just adopt!" very casually, as if talking about getting new shoes won't be happening anymore
The day when our friend doesn't say "You are so lucky you have no children yet, you don't have to spend money on children's clothes and school tuition, and get to save instead." ignorantly, while our financial condition is still recovering from our last IVF/miscarriage/fertility check up that used up a big chunk of our savings

So every now and then, I'm going to use my voice to tell my stories
Our stories
So that we are heard
And known
And understood more
And acknowledged
Because we exist
And the problem is real