That beast called "infertility"

Infertility...
Us, infertiles, do not talk enough about it..at least not openly..
We keep it to ourselves
The doctor's appointments, the lab tests, the bills, the injections, the therapies, the medications, the waiting, the fear, the heartaches, the loss, the tears
We keep it behind closed doors

Because we know no one understands

No one besides ourselves and our own kind (other infertiles)

Many people don't even think that infertility is something real
To them, it is just some imagination in our mind
Some excuse we make up to explain our inability to conceive
There are no real problems, they think...
So why we haven't conceived yet?
It's because we are not doing "the right things"
We are being "too stressed"
We are not being "relaxed" enough to let the magic happen
We are too busy
We don't exercise enough
We exercise too much
We don't go on holiday often enough
We spend too much time & money on vacations and not prioritizing on getting the help we need to get pregnant
We are too fat
We are too thin
We haven't asked God diligently
We haven't prayed "the right way"
We haven't repented on our sins
We haven't asked God for forgiveness on our past wrongdoings, and those of our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, and so on
We haven't asked for forgiveness from the people we hurt in the past; our parents, our siblings, our friends, our ex-boyfriends, etc etc etc
The list is long...
The stupid reasons people tell us why it is happening
But none of them really acknowledge the real problems we encounter
Nor they understand our struggles

Data in the US states that 1 of 8 couples is dealing with infertility
I haven't found data for Indonesia but I guess the figure won't be very far from that
We are not an anomaly

We exist

And the problem is real

The blocked tube

The PCOs

The low sperm number and quality

The auto-immune problems

The blood clotting issues

The endometriosis

The polyps

The adenomyosis

The recurrent miscarriages

The unexplained infertility

The failed inseminations

The failed IVFs

You name it

We don't talk about it enough, for other people to understand

Because saying it out loud making the problem seems more real than it already is

And realizing that it is real hurts us even more

We don't talk about it enough, because we want to forget about it sometimes

And being asked every single time we meet friends/relatives is draining our energy to the core

We don't talk about it enough, because it's exhausting trying to explain something to someone who you know won't understand a bit

Because the last thing we need is to see pity in other people's eyes

Because we don't need those know-it-all unsolicited suggestions from people who haven't even experienced any of what we are dealing with

Because we want to be seen as our complete selves, not just as "an infertile"

Because everytime we try to tell our stories, the most common respond we get is "You have to be patient"

We ARE being patient

We tell our stories not because we are impatient

Nor because we are weak

Infact we are the strong ones, if not we won't be chosen to fight this battle

Nor because we need consolation or pity

We tell our stories because we want to be heard

We tell our stories because we hope someday people would understand more 

We tell our stories because we are waiting for the day when we get more empathy

The day when we don't have to deal with the questions "When are you going to have children?" or "Are you pregnant yet?" on a daily basis, as if it's the normal form of ice-breaking

The day when we don't get our belly rubbed by some strangers at a party, while they're saying "I'm praying for you to get pregnant!" loudly so that everyone near us can hear it

The day when people understand that silent prayers behind closed doors matter so much more than those "I hope you get pregnant as soon as possible!" said loudly in front of everybody in a baby shower we're attending

The day when we no longer hear some relative say "I hope your parents/parents-in-law have a long life so they get to see your future children"

The day when someone would just come up to us and say "Just adopt!" very casually, as if talking about getting new shoes won't be happening anymore

The day when our friend doesn't say "You are so lucky you have no children yet, you don't have to spend money on children's clothes and school tuition, and get to save instead." ignorantly, while our financial condition is still recovering from our last IVF/miscarriage/fertility check up that used up a big chunk of our savings

So every now and then, I'm going to use my voice to tell my stories

Our stories

So that we are heard

And known

And understood more

And acknowledged

Because we exist

And the problem is real