There was a time...

Dear E and M...
There was a time when you were hypoglycemia
You had to be taken from my hospital room to baby special care unit the day after you were born and stayed there for 5 days
Your tiny foot had to be poked several times a day to check your blood sugar
You had to be fed through a tube that run from your mouth right to your stomach to increase your blood sugar
The doctor say that prolonged hypoglycemia could (and would) damage your brain

Dear E...
There was a time when you got an infection
You only drank 300 ml of milk a day when the normal intake for babies your age were at least 600 ml
I was so scared that you would be dehydrated
The doctor said we had to put NGT on you, a tube that run from your nose right to your stomach, to make sure you get enough milk

There was a time when your face skin was peeled open and raw
We had to tie you up 24/7 to keep you from scratching your face and let you skin healed
We even took you to the doctor tied up
You were just beginning to be able to crawl, everyday you would move around non stop
I wonder what went through your mind when you realized you weren't able to move like usual
But you still smiled and laughed like nothing happened
The first time we untied you, it was like you forgot how to move around
When I put you on all four and you tried to crawl, you instantly fell and your face hit the bed
Your arms were so weak they couldn't support your body
It broke my heart to see you like that
But you bounced back in a few days

There was a time when your skin was such in a bad state l, you could not stop from scratching and rubbing your face
We didn't get out of the house for weeks
Our bedroom was your universe
We had to keep an eye on you at all times to hold your hands and stop you from scratching It was so stressful
Sometimes, we looked away just for half a second and you scratched your face until it bleeds
I couldn't hug you
I couldn't hold you in the normal position (facing me), you have to be held facing forward to keep you from rubbing your face to my clothes
Every night after you fall asleep, we would put cream on your face to help heal your wounds and then cover them with bandages, hoping that we don't wake you up in the process, but sometimes you do
In your sleep, you would rub your face to the bed and make the bandages come off
We would be cutting new bandages in the middle of the night and try to put them on again

Dear M...
There was a time when your head would get so itchy that you would scratch it so hard especially at night until it was wounded
We put gloves on your hands 24/7
I would have nightmares that during sleep your gloves come off and I would find your head covered with blood in the morning
Your dad would put cream on your head every 2-3 hours to keep away the itch
Everytime I was awoken from my sleep, I would check up on you right away with my heart pounding so hard, making sure your gloves were still on

There was a time when you had to wear gloves 24/7 to keep you from hurting your head any further
Wherever we went, people (especially the women/moms) would stare at you (and your gloves) and then me
Maybe they were thinking how stupid I am as a mother to let a 5-months old baby to still be using gloves
Your ability to grasp things was so behind from your sister
I was so sad to see that you weren't able to hold your toys
I even had to hold your teether for you

There was a time...
And after all those times, God's hand had kept and is still keeping you safe.
For that, today we say grace...

Isaiah 41 : 10
So do not fear, for I am with you
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Happy 1st birthday, my dear babies...