7 days post BFN

It has been 1 week since the day our IVF result came back negative.

Yesterday we went back to our home after spending almost 3 weeks at my parents' house. In general, I feel OK. I love that me and my husband get to spend time together just the two of us again, like the way it used to be.

I try not to feel anything when my eyes caught the sight of Gonal-F that is still laying there inside my fridge. I even tried to deny my eyes telling my brain that they saw it. I didn't want to see, I didn't want to remember. But the thought manage to creep into my head. I remember those times when that injection was a source of hope. Injecting myself every evening, thinking to myself that every injection leads us even closer to our dream of having a baby. Praying and hoping that it's doing its job, helping me superovulating with good and big eggs to harvest.

I try not to feel anything when people tell me not to get too carried away with my disappointment, to get back to my feet, and to carry on with our effort on having a baby. Go back to the doctor, ask for explanations, get checked, etc etc etc. I know they mean well. That's why I try not to feel anything. I know it's not easy for other people to comprehend how it feels. How exhausted I am..physically and mentally. How fed up I am with all the visits to the hospital, the blood checks in the lab, the ultrasounds and the consultations with the doctor, the waiting, the wondering, the hoping, the worrying. How disappointed I am that all of that hasn't been a success. I know that God has everything planned for us and that His timing is the best. But that doesn't spare me from feeling exhausted and fed up. I need some time to not thinking about anything that has to do with "trying to have a baby". I need to be able to free my mind. I need a break. I need to get myself back first. But I know, it's not that easy for other people to understand.