Adopsi = pancingan?

Salah satu saran yang paling menyebalkan yang saya terima selama masa-masa menanti keturunan adalah "Angkat anak aja..buat pancingan..". Mungkin ada orang yang setuju dengan ide atau prinsip ini. Tapi kalau saya sih 100% nggak setuju.

In a sense mungkin benar kalau mengadopsi anak itu bisa jadi "pancingan" agar pasangan tersebut akhirnya bisa memiliki anak kandung. Maksudnya..setelah mengadopsi anak, beban menanti keturunan jadi berkurang, stres menurun, ada anak yang jadi penghibur hati. Secara tidak langsung, hal-hal ini berkontribusi terhadap perbaikan kesuburan pasangan tersebut, sehingga bukan tidak mungkin akhirnya mereka akhirnya memiliki anak kandung.

Tapi mengadopsi untuk pancingan? Yang mau diadopsi itu anak manusia lho. Bukan cacing yang dipakai buat umpan saat mancing. Bukan benda mati. Masa manusia ciptaan Tuhan disamakan dengan umpan. Such a degrading term and way of thinking.

Cara pandang seperti ini yang membuat saya dulu sangat sangat sangat menolak ide adopsi. Padahal sebenarnya tidak ada yang salah dengan adopsi. Hal itu adalah perbuatan yang sangat mulia. And I adore people who do it out of love and compassion and willingness to share their love and family to others who need it. Di Amerika (dan mungkin negara-negara Barat lainnya), banyak pasangan yang sudah memiliki (banyak) anak, kemudian mengadopsi anak lagi, kadang beberapa orang. Banyak yang mengadopsi anak di luar ras mereka. Menurut saya mereka hebat. Saya ngurus anak 2 aja udah kelimpungan. Tapi mereka rela memberikan tenaga, kasih sayang, dan materi yang mereka miliki untuk orang lain yang tidak berhubungan darah dengan mereka. Dengan alasan apa? Love and compassion. Because they can and want to, and because those children need a family. Bukan buat pancingan.

Di Indonesia, anak adopsi terkadang (atau sering?) dipandang sebelah mata. Orang membicarakannya di belakang dengan nada berbisik, "Itu bukan anak kandung mereka, itu anak angkat.". Kenapa? Mungkin karena dalam persepsi kita, adopsi anak itu hanya untuk pancingan. That's why we talk about it behind closed doors, as if it's embarassing.

Waktu itu, saya mendapatkan saran tersebut dari seorang saudara dekat, saya memanggilnya tante. Di sebuah acara keluarga, kebetulan kami duduk bersebelahan. Tanpa pembicaraan pendahuluan, si tante bilang "Kalian angkat anak aja, tapi cewek ya. Buat pancingan.". Saya spontan menjawab "Ohh nggak tante, kami nggak ada pikiran ke sana". And after that silence...krik krik krik....

Please watch your words

Saya percaya pengalaman buruk atau tidak mengenakkan selalu meninggalkan pelajaran bagi yang menjalaninya. kalau kita mau mencoba melihatnya lebih dalam.

Pengalaman saya baru ketemu jodoh di umur 30+ mengajari saya menahan mulut untuk tidak bertanya kepada teman/saudara yang masih single "Kapan nih undangannya?" atau "Gimana, udah dapet pacar?".

Pengalaman saya menunggu hampir 6,5 tahun baru akhirnya dikasi anak oleh Tuhan (yang di-bold ini perlu penekanan soalnya banyak orang suka lupa kalau anak itu hak prerogatif Tuhan jadi sibuk nanyaaaa melulu ke yang bersangkutan) mengajari saya menahan mulut untuk tidak bertanya "Udah isi belum?, atau "Kapan nih...? (sambil elus2 perut si "korban").

Pengalaman saya punya anak yang kulitnya suka merah2 sehingga sering mengundang perhatian orang mengajari saya untuk tidak bertanya atau mengomentari apa yang aneh/kurang dari seseorang, tetapi mencoba mencari hal baik yang bisa dijadikan bahan pembicaraan (kalau memang harus banget ngajak ngobrol). Misalnya nih, lihat muka anak saya merah2, nggak usah lah komentar "Mukanya merah banget yaa....", kalau memang pengen banget basa basi tanya aja namanya siapa, atau umurnya berapa. Terus kalau minggu depan atau bulan depan ketemu lagi, nggak usah lah bilang "Masih merah2 yaaa...", you have no idea how it used to be much worse than it is now, and how much effort I put into it. Kalau nggak bisa cari perkataan yang membesarkan hati, mending nggak usah ngomong apa2 deh, serius...!

Life with eczema

Eczema is more than just red skin, rashes,  and itches...

It's many sleepless nights when your child tosses and turns incessantly because she was awoken by the itch and could not go back to sleep
It's hours and hours of crying because your child wants to scratch her skin but could not
It's figuring out ways to keep your child who is no longer a baby swaddled so she doesn't rip off her skin
It's waking up to blood-stained bedsheet, clothes, and mittens
It's cutting out bandages to put on your child's face before going to bed to protect her skin during sleep
And cutting it out again in the middle of the night when your child manages to get out of the swaddle and pull off the bandages
All of this happening while your other child is at the other room, and you pray he doesn't wake up and realized he is all alone
It's keeping your eyes on your child AT ALL TIMES to make sure that you catch her everytime she wants to scratch
It's wrestling with your child when she tries to scratch and you have to use all the strength you have to hold her down
It's leaving your other child unattended when you need 2, even 3 persons to hold your child down to reapply moisturizer on her itchy skin while all she wants to do is scratch the itch away
It's those stare you and your child gets in public places
It's the questions you get from people who can't hold down their curiousity.."What's wrong with her face?", or "Why is her face so red?"
And the insensitive comments like "Oh she's allergic to heat? So what's going to happen when she goes to school in the future?"

My Twins

E hampir selalu sibuk, selalu on to something, miss Busy Bee banget. Bisa keliatan dari matanya di foto ini, kaya lagi mikir sesuatu & mau pursue sesuatu. Nggak sabaran.
M lebih laid back, santai, sabar.

E hampir nggak pernah nangis kalau jatuh, kecuali sakit banget. Jatuh, kesandung, kepentok, diem aja & langsung bangun lagi, jalan/lari lagi.
M kalau jatuh hampir pasti nangis, entah itu karena sakit, kaget, atau cuma kesel 😂, terus nangisnya nengok ke kita, minta simpati kali ya. Terutama kalau kecelakaannya terjadi di deket kita atau pas lagi main sama kita, dia makin kesel, nangisnya bisa lebih heboh. Mungkin protes kenapa kita ga jagain dia dengan bener.

E agak jarang ketawa, seringnya ketawa kalau dia yang lagi ngelucu..bisa ketawa2 terus sampe lama..tapi kalau di foto/video langsung sumringah, ceria banget.
M kebalikan, di foto/video kebanyakan ekspresinya seriusss. Padahal in real life seringgg banget ketawa. Kadang2 cuma tatap2an sama kita aja dia bisa ngakak2. Kalau cari perhatian juga bisa tiba2 ketawa2 sendiri biar diliatin.

E bisa betah sibuk main sendiri tanpa ngeliat atau ngedeketin kita. Kalau lagi sibuk, dipanggil2 pun kadang nggak nengok. Nggak romantis, mau nyiumnya pun harus kita yang sosor2, dianya cool aja.
M romantis banget, liat2an bisa langsung ngedatengin terus peluk2. Seneng banget dicium2 & di-cuddle. Kalau lagi main pun dikit2 datengin terus naik ke pangkuan, peluk2.

E makannya cepet banget, nyuapinnya harus tanpa jeda (kalau lagi napsu makan). Kalau lagi nggak mau makan, tetap buka mulut lebar, terus didiemin di mulut, tunggu penuh, baru dilepeh semua.
M makannya lambat, moody. Bisa berubah dari lahap tiba2 jadi kunci mulut. Kalau di deketnya ada orang, bisa distracted malah pengen ngobrol/bercanda & jadi nggak mau makan. Distelin musik kadang jadi mood mau makan, tapi kalau keasikan bisa sampe joget2 & jadi merasa terganggu pas disuapin, malah jadi marah2.

E menikmati duduk di sepeda, didorong ke sana ke mari.
M lebih menikmati ngecek2 setiap sudut sepeda, ngecek rodanya, pedalnya, setirnya. Satu2 dipegang2, diputer2, ditilik. Nggak usah naik pun udah asyik buat dia.. 😁

E hampir nggak pernah gigit (kecuali gigit M beberapa kali).
M sering banget gigit Papa Mama, kirain mau nyium/peluk taunya curi2 gigit,. Akhir2 ini jadi suka gigit E juga, biasanya kalau lagi rebutan terus dia udah kesel/gemes banget, langsung mangap mulutnya nyari mangsa.

There was a time...

Dear E and M...
There was a time when you were hypoglycemia
You had to be taken from my hospital room to baby special care unit the day after you were born and stayed there for 5 days
Your tiny foot had to be poked several times a day to check your blood sugar
You had to be fed through a tube that run from your mouth right to your stomach to increase your blood sugar
The doctor say that prolonged hypoglycemia could (and would) damage your brain

Dear E...
There was a time when you got an infection
You only drank 300 ml of milk a day when the normal intake for babies your age were at least 600 ml
I was so scared that you would be dehydrated
The doctor said we had to put NGT on you, a tube that run from your nose right to your stomach, to make sure you get enough milk

There was a time when your face skin was peeled open and raw
We had to tie you up 24/7 to keep you from scratching your face and let you skin healed
We even took you to the doctor tied up
You were just beginning to be able to crawl, everyday you would move around non stop
I wonder what went through your mind when you realized you weren't able to move like usual
But you still smiled and laughed like nothing happened
The first time we untied you, it was like you forgot how to move around
When I put you on all four and you tried to crawl, you instantly fell and your face hit the bed
Your arms were so weak they couldn't support your body
It broke my heart to see you like that
But you bounced back in a few days

There was a time when your skin was such in a bad state l, you could not stop from scratching and rubbing your face
We didn't get out of the house for weeks
Our bedroom was your universe
We had to keep an eye on you at all times to hold your hands and stop you from scratching It was so stressful
Sometimes, we looked away just for half a second and you scratched your face until it bleeds
I couldn't hug you
I couldn't hold you in the normal position (facing me), you have to be held facing forward to keep you from rubbing your face to my clothes
Every night after you fall asleep, we would put cream on your face to help heal your wounds and then cover them with bandages, hoping that we don't wake you up in the process, but sometimes you do
In your sleep, you would rub your face to the bed and make the bandages come off
We would be cutting new bandages in the middle of the night and try to put them on again

Dear M...
There was a time when your head would get so itchy that you would scratch it so hard especially at night until it was wounded
We put gloves on your hands 24/7
I would have nightmares that during sleep your gloves come off and I would find your head covered with blood in the morning
Your dad would put cream on your head every 2-3 hours to keep away the itch
Everytime I was awoken from my sleep, I would check up on you right away with my heart pounding so hard, making sure your gloves were still on

There was a time when you had to wear gloves 24/7 to keep you from hurting your head any further
Wherever we went, people (especially the women/moms) would stare at you (and your gloves) and then me
Maybe they were thinking how stupid I am as a mother to let a 5-months old baby to still be using gloves
Your ability to grasp things was so behind from your sister
I was so sad to see that you weren't able to hold your toys
I even had to hold your teether for you

There was a time...
And after all those times, God's hand had kept and is still keeping you safe.
For that, today we say grace...

Isaiah 41 : 10
So do not fear, for I am with you
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Happy 1st birthday, my dear babies...

First Trimester

Setelah mengunjungi 3 obgyn di minggu- minggu awal kehamilan, akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk lanjut kontrol di dr. Yuditya Purwosunu, obgyn fetomaternal di RS Mitra Keluarga Kelapa Gading.

Bulan-bulan awal berjalan lancar tanpa masalah. Nggak ada mual, apalagi muntah. Makan normal. Masih sering jalan ke mall. Tetap rajin olahraga, ngikutin senam pregnancy di youtube atau jalan sore di taman. Setiap habis makan di mall pun selalu jalan dari ujung ke ujung buat olahraga.

Saat 9w, ukuran bayi 10w dan 11w jadi saya disuruh cek gula (hasil normal). Berat bayi cenderung besar tapi masih normal menurut dokter. Hasil cek darah sebelumnya semuanya bagus, prospek menurut dokter baik. Yang perlu dijaga adalah jangan sampai ada infeksi dan alergi.

Obat :
Methylprednisolone sampai melahirkan.

Cek lab untuk kontrol berikut :
GTT, Hba1c, LDL, Trigliserida

Di 12w sempet ada glitch sedikit. Saya flek coklat selama 3 hari, khawatir banget donggg, pas banget lagi hari ulang tahun saya huhuhu. Tapi waktu itu kebetulan dr.Yudit lagi nggak ada jadwal praktek di Mitra, jadi saya ke dokter lain. Dokter cewek ini paling hitsss di sana, antriannya paling panjanggg.

Waktu diperiksa, katanya ada kontraksi di (kantung kehamilan) bayi B. Kata dokter sih mungkin karena kecapean, tidak perlu cek apa-apa termasuk cek ISK. Glitchnya itu di sini...Jadii waktu ngecek ukuran bayi, si dokter bilang bayi A 7,5 cm, bayi B 5,99 cm. Terus dia bilang bayi B ini mengalami PJT, pertumbuhan janin terganggu. Jantung saya langsung kaya mencelosss. Sampai agak nggak bisa mikir. Jenis kelamin katanya dua-duanya perempuan. Disarankan nggak traveling sampai usia 4 bulan karena kehamilan kembar ini risikonya sangat tinggi, dan disarankan suntik pematang paru di 32w.

Bingung ga sihhh selama ini dr.Yudit bilang bayi cenderung besar, eeh dokter ini bilang bayi B pertumbuhan janin terganggu (yang ternyata tidak benar). Bikin stres aja...

Walaupun tidak disuruh cek ISK, tapi saya tetap inisiatif cek urine lengkap. Hasilnya saya laporkan ke dr.Yudit. Ternyata hasilnya masih normal (bakteri sedikit), jadi tidak ada ISK.

Nightmare with Eczema

Jam 12 malam, suami bawa Emma yang lagi nangis2 ke kamar bawah, untuk dicoba ditidurkan (lagi). Sebelumnya kami ganti perban karena yang di pipi kanan copot. Waktu saya buka pintu kamar, Morgan ternyata sudah terbangun, dia dalam posisi duduk, mencari2 orang.. :( langsung saya gendong dia, saya cium2..maaf ya Morgan tadi kamu ditinggalin 1 jam sendirian di luar.. (kamar luar maksudnya).

Tadi suami sampai sempat bilang dia mau mati aja. Saking stresnya ngurus Emma. Tadi katanya sudah sempat tidur 3x, tapi terbangun terus. Tadi saya sempat gendong sementara suami istirahat karena pinggangnya sudah sakit banget. Emma meronta2 terus, mau gesek2 mukanya, tangannya juga digaruk2. Pasti badannya panas karena nangis terus. Kalau panas pasti tambah gatal.

Tuhan, sampai kapan ini akan terjadi terus..gimana dengan hidup kami..dengan rencana2 kami..dengan hal2 lain yang harus kami lakukan, kalau tenaga kami terkuras untuk masalah ini setiap hari..? Bantu kami Tuhan, kami sudah tidak kuat..

UPDATE :
Akhirnya Emma baru tidur jam 1 di pangkuan suami, suami tidur sambil duduk sampai jam 02.30, baru Emma bisa direbahin. Jam 4 sempat kebangun & nangis2 lagi. Jam 04.30 baru saya & Morgan bisa masuk kamar.